ANNUAL NEOLOGISM
CONTEST
Once again, The
Washington Post has published the winning submissions to its yearly contest, in
which readers are asked to supply alternative meanings for common words. The
winners are:
1. Coffee (N.), the
person upon whom one coughs.
2. Flabbergasted
(adj.), appalled over how much weight you have gained.
3. Abdicate (V.), to
give up all hope of ever having a flat stomach.
4. Esplanade (V.),
to attempt an explanation while drunk.
5. Willy-nilly
(Adj.), impotent.
6. Negligent (Adj.),
describes a condition in which you absentmindedly answer the door in your
nightgown.
7. Lymph (V.), to
walk with a lisp.
8. Gargoyle (N.),
olive-flavored mouthwash.
9. Flatulence (N.)
emergency vehicle that picks you up after you are run over by a steamroller.
10. Balderdash (N.),
a rapidly receding hairline.
11. Testicle (N.), a
humorous question on an exam.
12. Rectitude (N.),
the formal, dignified bearing adopted by proctologists.
13. Pokemon (N), a
Rastafarian proctologist.
14. Oyster (N.), a
person who sprinkles his conversation with
Yiddishisms.
15. Frisbeetarianism
(N.), (back by popular demand): The belief that, when you die, your Soul flies up onto the
roof and gets stuck there.
16. Circumvent (N.),
an opening in the front of boxer shorts worn by Jewish men.
The Washington Post's Style Invitational also
asked readers to take any word from the dictionary, alter it by adding,
subtracting, or changing one letter, and supply a new definition. Here are this
year's winners:
1. Bozone (N.): The substance surrounding
stupid people that stops bright ideas from penetrating. The bozone layer,
unfortunately, shows little sign of breaking down in the near future.
2. Foreploy (V): Any
misrepresentation about yourself for the purpose of getting laid.
3. Cashtration (N.):
The act of buying a house, which renders the subject financially impotent for
an indefinite period.
4. Giraffiti (N):
Vandalism spray-painted very, very high.
5. Sarchasm (N): The
gulf between the author of sarcastic wit and the person who doesn't get it.
6. Inoculatte (V):
To take coffee intravenously when you are running late.
7. Hipatitis (N):
Terminal coolness.
8. Osteopornosis
(N): A degenerate disease. (This one got extra credit.)
9. Karmageddon (N):
It's like, when everybody is sending off all these really bad vibes,
right? And then, like, the Earth
explodes and it's like, a serious bummer.
10. Decafalon (N.):
The grueling event of getting through the day consuming only things that are
good for you.
11. Glibido (V): All
talk and no action.
12. Dopeler effect
(N): The tendency of stupid ideas to seem smarter when they come at you
rapidly.
13. Arachnoleptic
fit (N.): The frantic dance performed just after you've accidentally walked
through a spider web.
14. Beelzebug (N.):
Satan in the form of a mosquito that gets into your bedroom at three in the
morning and cannot be cast out.
15. Caterpallor
(N.): The color you turn after finding half a grub in the fruit you're eating.
And the pick of the
literature:
16. Ignoranus (N): A
person who's both stupid and an asshole
1 comment:
Dear Mary - Happy New Year. I so enjoyed reading these on New Year's Day - thank you kindly for sharing. Sending care and love, Michelle (and little rotund cat, Megs), xx.
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